As I sit at 35,000 feet, cruising through the clouds, I find myself reflecting on a question that has troubled me for a long time: Why do we keep making the same bad decisions over and over again, despite knowing the negative outcomes they bring? Why are we, as rational beings, unable to learn from these mistakes?
I believe it comes down to our animal instincts. We are driven by two primal forces: fear and greed. The fear of pain and the greed for pleasure. My theory is that we keep repeating bad decisions because, in our minds, the pleasure derived from these choices outweighs the pain. Of course, this is a fallacy. If the net pleasure were truly greater than the pain, we wouldn’t consider them bad decisions in the first place.
I suspect what’s happening is a kind of mental parallax—our minds misinterpret pleasure and pain, giving disproportionate weight to the former. We focus on the immediate gratification these decisions provide, while ignoring or downplaying the long-term consequences.
But there’s more to it than just a pleasure-versus-pain miscalculation. Until we learn the lessons that bad decisions are trying to teach us, we are doomed to repeat them. The theory extends: we don’t just make bad decisions out of instinct or habit, but because we’ve failed to grasp the lessons hidden within their consequences.
If this theory holds true, then breaking the cycle requires two things. First, we need to mentally superimpose massive pain onto the bad decision, minimizing the short-term pleasure it offers. This is difficult because the pleasure we derive is usually immediate—a high release of dopamine. The pain, on the other hand, is gradual and cumulative. It creeps up on us over time, like the slow boil of a frog in water. If you drop a frog into boiling water, it will feel the pain instantly and try to escape. But if you put the frog in room-temperature water and slowly bring it to a boil, it won’t notice the danger until it’s too late.
Similarly, when we make bad decisions, we don’t always feel the pain right away. The consequences unfold slowly, and by the time we realize the damage, we’re often too deep in to easily escape. To combat this, we must force ourselves to recognize the bad decision as soon as it’s made. We need to visualize the long-term pain in great detail, bringing it into the present moment. The more vividly we can imagine this pain, the more likely we are to avoid repeating the mistake.
At the same time, we need to minimize the dopamine rush we get from the bad decision. This is challenging because our brains are wired to seek immediate gratification. But by stepping back, by meditating on the situation from a third-person perspective, we can begin to separate ourselves from the emotions tied to the pleasure. We can view the situation objectively, without the clouding influence of desire.
The second step is just as crucial: we need to ask ourselves what the outcome is trying to teach us. Why do we keep making this bad decision? Why do we attach so much pleasure to it, despite knowing the pain it causes? And, most importantly, what can we do to ensure it doesn’t happen again?
We need to formulate a lesson from the experience, one that’s **SMART**—Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Repeatable, and Tangible.
If this isn’t something we’re used to doing mentally, we need to write it down in clear, descriptive terms.
Let’s take a real-life example: gambling. Why does a gambling addict continue to gamble, despite knowing that, in the long run, they’ll lose money? Why do they fool themselves into thinking the next round will be different? It’s because they’ve focused entirely on the pleasure they anticipate if they win. They block out the pain of financial loss, tricking themselves into thinking the odds are in their favor.
The gambler has visualized, in great detail, the joy they’ll experience if they win. They picture the financial gains, the thrill of spending their winnings, the admiration they’ll receive from others. But they’ve completely shut out the pain they’ll feel if they lose. They ignore the long-term suffering that will come from financial ruin. They’ve disconnected from the harsh reality of losing their hard-earned money, wiping away any emotions tied to that pain.
And when they occasionally win a small sum, it reinforces their belief that a big win is just around the corner. The cycle continues, as they chase bigger wins to compensate for their losses. The gambler fails to realize that what’s lost is lost and cannot be won back—not from a probability standpoint.
To break this cycle, the gambler must do two things:
1. **Associate massive pain with the act of gambling.** They need to vividly imagine the devastation, the self-loathing, the financial ruin. They must feel that pain in the present, not just intellectually but emotionally.
2. **Disassociate from the pleasure of winning.** By viewing the pleasure from a third-person perspective, they can separate themselves from the emotional high and avoid falling into the trap of immediate gratification.
The gambler must then articulate a SMART lesson from their experience:-
**Specific:** Identify the exact percentage of their net worth that has been lost due to gambling.-
**Measurable:** Quantify the emotional toll—self-loathing, regret, feelings of desperation—and rate it on a scale of 1-10.-
**Actionable:** Monitor their net worth as a key performance indicator (KPI) and associate each loss with painful emotions.-
**Repeatable:** Continue this process each time the urge to gamble arises, until the desired emotional reaction becomes second nature.-
**Tangible:** Write down clear financial goals and benefits for not gambling, such as the amount of money they’ll save or the long-term financial security they’ll gain.
This approach applies not just to gambling, but to any bad decision we make. By recognizing the pain, minimizing the pleasure, and learning a clear lesson, we can break the cycle of repeating the same mistakes.
In summary, if we want to stop repeating bad decisions, we need to take the time to reflect, learn, and act with intention. By going through this process in detail, we can break free from the patterns that hold us back. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
Wishing us all strength as we navigate through tough choices and strive to make better decisions.